matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i drank out of a bidet.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
