My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
