So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize