You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
