I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
