I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
