you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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