Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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