Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
