Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
