We're facebook friends in real life
Yo dont text me then not text me
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
