I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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