Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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