Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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