i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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