im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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