This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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