Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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