Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
