i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
