Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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