Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
