Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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