Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
