first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
