dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize