And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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