did you get engaged???
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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