First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
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