somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize