Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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