Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
