I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
