Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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