guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
