Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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