I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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