Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
