I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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