i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
