how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
