just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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