I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
