I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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