Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
