Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
