I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize