a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Drunk is not a location!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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