you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
