im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
