Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
