the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
