just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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