talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
