i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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