It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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