im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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