Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
