she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
