if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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