I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize