Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
stop calling my apartment porn island.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
