i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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